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  Violence Counseling for Men:

How it works


Who can
  1. Responsibility If someone is ashamed of
an act he's committed, it
often seems logical to lay
the blame on other people
or circumstances (an aggravating woman,
alcohol, childhood, stress).
In doing so, however, a
man renounces his own
personal responsibility and
his chance of improving his position: of becoming
master of the situation.

2. Costs-benefits
analysisA costs-benefits analysis avoids condemnation and moralizing judgments; what counts is the bottom line.

3. Violence avoidance
  • "Taking time out" – those arguing briefly withdraw in order to calm down
  • "Writing instead of screaming" – this way arguments can be calmly formulated and each person gets their say
  • Reducing the stress factors in daily life (time management, eating, drinking, sports, etc.)

4. Deeply held beliefsBeliefs which pointlessly place a man under pressure:
  • "He mustn't show weakness or a fear of being abandoned."
  • "He always has to have his own way."
  • "He knows everything better."
In counseling a man can find out which of his beliefs keep getting him into trouble.

"A woman is responsible for the household and should be there for her man at all times. Earning money, on the other hand, belongs to a man's domain."
If the woman in his life chooses another path or should he become unemployed, he'll have to learn that the tasks can also be divided up differently.

5. Understanding othersFor some men, understanding women seems impossible; they would like a "diagram" to help them figure out how the woman in their life works.
Many men are very good at thinking technically. In the same way, understanding other people is something that has to be learned.

6. Social behaviorMuch like handcraft skills, social skills also need to be practiced, so that personal relationships don't keep failing.
  • Learning to negotiate
  • Practicing constructive criticism and accepting criticism of yourself
  • Respect for women
  • Teamwork

7. Positive visionNot getting trapped in a list of defects, but rather focusing on positive goals:
  • "What good qualities can I build upon?"
  • "Where am I headed?"
  • "What would I like to have appear on my headstone?"
Counseling centers